Here's a phone call I imagine occurred about four milliseconds after Donald Trump endorsed Mitt Romney.

Newt: Donald, what gives?

Trump: You know, I--

Newt: Hold on, you gaseous piece of mutton. I agreed to participate in that sham, that "Let's watch THE TRUMP parade his pouty Slovenian wife around" thing you called a debate and you treat me like a pool boy in one of those casinos you used to own who forgot to bring you a Fresca. You endorse Romney? Romney!? He makes YOU look sincere. Next to him, you're a deep thinker; next to him, you're almost half the stud you think you--

Trump: Newt, your jealousy is unbecoming ... of me and my life. Your wives are lateral moves. At least I marry up (Christ, Marla now looks like Ivanna); so tell me: you wouldn't like to take Melania to a budget meeting and have her blow you on the break between the Medicare and Foreign Affairs mark-up?

Newt: SHHHH! What are you, crazy? Callista's listening in on the extension. 

Newt: (covering phone) It's nothing, honey. Just Trump showing off in front of the NBC guys. Let Sheldon in, would you? Hide the shellfish. 

Newt: (into phone) You're a putz. 

Trump: So, what, you're Jewish now? And believe me, I live among them in West Palm. I know what I'm talking about. The Jews love me.

Newt: What do you call Adelson?

Trump: A gonnif. But send him my love.